


There was an Attempt (Multiple, Actually)

by goodnightcomet



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Idk how to tag oop, Just a bunch of arguing I guess?, Not really fluff but it's just silly shenanigans more than anything, Other, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:23:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodnightcomet/pseuds/goodnightcomet
Summary: Patton has never said a swear word ever, and he doesn't really plan to. Virgil is determined to do anything to make him swear. Why? Well, he's curious...and he wants fifteen dollars.





	There was an Attempt (Multiple, Actually)

"That's completely absurd!" Roman exclaims quite loudly, his voice almost echoing throughout the mindscape. "He'd never do such a thing!"

"But given the right conditions, he definitely will," Virgil countered.

"False! He's a pure and wholesome angel who will never even think of doing that!"

"How would you know? How do you know that he doesn't do it under his breath when no one is around?"

"Well, you don't know that either!"

Logan walks into the living room with his notebook in hand, scribbling away. He looks up and stops dead in his tracks. 

"You're just in denial that he can't do it!" Virgil argues, snickering.

"Am not," Roman huffs.

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Logan swiftly spins on his heels and walks back out of the room, burying his face into the book. 

"Oh, Logan!" Roman calls out, making Logan stop in his tracks once more. 

The teacher sighs and turns to face the prince. "What?"

"Tell Virgil that you agree with me and that his argument is invalid!"

"Um, rude," Virgil repositions himself on the couch, lying upside-down across it and crossing his arms.

"What are you arguing about, exactly?" Logan enquires. 

"I asked Roman if he thought Patton could have the ability to swear," Virgil answers, "and now he's been coming at me for about fifteen minutes now."

"Twenty minutes, actually," Roman corrects, placing his hands on his hips. 

"Well, given the right circumstances," Logan explains, "he could possibly curse."

"See?" Virgil says, pointing at Logan whilst looking at Roman. "That was almost word-for-word of what I've been saying."

Roman brings a hand up to the side of his face, thinking. "But we've never heard him curse ever! It's just not possible!"

"Of course it's possible," Logan retorts. "It's just difficult to get him to do so."

Roman ponders for a moment. He kneels down in front of the couch that Virgil is on, eyes screaming competition. He conjures up some bucks and challenges, "I will bet you ten dollars that you can't get Patton to swear."

"...Twenty."

"Fifteen."

"Deal!" Virgil sits upright and simpers. "C'mon Logan, we've gotta come up with a plan."

"Why are you dragging me into this?" Logan questions, setting down his book and pen. 

"Fifteen bucks for each of us."

 

-

 

"Attempt number one," Logan writes in his notebook, "make Patton stub his toe."

"I kind of feel bad for doing this one," Virgil hesitates, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't wanna hurt him."

"It's all purely meant for experimentation purposes," Logan pauses, "...and for fifteen dollars."

Virgil sighs. "Okay, I've positioned the chair out of place so that he falls forward and stubs his toe on one of the table legs."

"Perfect. Now we wait." Virgil and Logan take a seat at the dining table, awaiting for their plan to carry out. 

Patton emerges from the hallway and walks into the kitchen. "There he is!" Virgil whisper-shouts. 

A few minutes later, Patton walks back out with a plate full of toast in one hand and jam in the other. He places the objects down onto the dining table and notices the two Sides. "Oh, hey guys! What'cha up to?"

Said two Sides look at each other. "We're just chilling," Virgil speaks up.

A long pause follows the statement. Virgil gulps and even sweats a little. 

"...All right-y, then! Hope you two are having fun!" Patton exclaims. "Oh shoot, I forgot the butter knife. Be right back!" And with that, Patton disappears into the kitchen once more.

"Damn it," Virgil mutters. "He could've said a swear right then."

"Let's just see how this plays out," Logan replies.

 

Patton comes back with the butter knife, humming to himself. And, as planned, he trips over the misplaced chair and stubs his toe on the corner of the table leg.

"Ow!" he cries out, dropping the knife. He hops to the nearest seat and brings his foot up, examining his toe. He sucks in air through his teeth. "That hurt really bad. Dang, I gotta watch where I'm stepping."

Virgil and Logan both sigh in disappointment. Their plan didn't work. 

 

-

 

Logan leans against the kitchen counter and crosses out the first plan in his notebook. "Okay," he pipes up. "Attempt number two: trick Patton by—"

"Ugh, where's the damn wrap?" Virgil interrupts as he fumbles through the kitchen cabinets.

"It's a plastic wrap, not a 'damn wrap'."

Virgil rolls his eyes and sighs. "No, that's not what I meant."

He opens a cupboard and sees the plastic wrap in the far back corner of the shelf. "Finally found it," he said with an annoyed grunt. He carefully takes it out and throws it onto the counter next to Logan.

"I dislike how everyone keeps moving it to different shelves. Just put it in one place, for crying out loud!"

"Whatever. Let's set this bad boy up."

 

Virgil marvels at the masterpiece in front of him. They've set the clear plastic wrap across the living room doorway. Virgil rubs his hands together like a cartoon villain. "Whether this works or not, I'm gonna film this." He takes the phone out of his pocket and opens up the camera. "Patton! Could you come here?"

Logan rolls his eyes.

They hear Patton shout something in reply as he approaches. "Yeah, kiddo? What can I—" Patton's words are quickly cut off by him running into the clear wrap. "What the heck!?" he yelps, backing away from it. Virgil snorts as Patton crawls under the wrap. He blushes and joins in on Virgil's laughter. 

"You should've seen the look on your face!" Virgil manages to say whilst wheezing.

"You got me good, kiddo!" Patton smiles, ruffling Virgil's hair.

"Man, I wanna see that again!" Virgil opens up his phone gallery. "Ah, shit. I didn't hit record."

"Language!"

 

-

 

Virgil jots down a few ideas into Logan's notebook. He chews on the end of the pen as he thinks of more ideas.

"Don't touch my book," Logan states sternly as he snatches it away from him.

"I just wanted to write something down, jeez," Virgil scoffed.

"Did...did you chew on my pen?"

"Oh, shit. Sorry."

Logan sighs heavily. "I'll just get another one."

"Okay, attempt number seven. Let's go." Virgil walks up to Patton's room and knocks on the door. "Pat, it's movie night. We're watching a horror movie."

Virgil could hear footsteps shuffling inside the room before the door finally opens.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Patton beams, holding blankets and pillows. 

 

Patton screams loudly as he shields his eyes from the TV screen. "This is too scary for me!"

"Patton, I changed the movie, remember?" Roman reminds. "We're watching The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl."

"Why is it so scary, though?"

Logan rolls his eyes as he wraps another blanket around Patton. "I don't see the reason why you're so frightened of this silly kid's movie."

"I don't know! I just am!" Patton defends.

Logan turns away from him and whispers to Virgil, "Virge, now's your chance."

"On it," Virgil replies, sneaking behind the couch. 

"You know what actually is scary?" Logan asks.

"What?" Patton cautiously questions.

"Boo!" Virgil shouts, grabbing Patton's shoulders. Patton, in turn, shrieks and falls off the couch.

"What the absolute fu...frick was that for!?" Patton whimpers. Logan, Roman, and Virgil exchange wide-eyed glances.

"Sorry, Pat," Virgil chuckles as he sits back down. He turns to whisper to Logan, "He almost did it!"

"Our plan still failed, though. We'll have to come up with another strategy," Logan mutters back.

 

-

 

Logan scribbles vigorously on his notebook. "All right. Attempt number fourteen."

"This one has to work," Virgil huffs. "It just has to!"

"Based on our previous attempts, this will not likely work."

"I want my fifteen dollars, Logan!"

"I know, Virgil. I want it as well, but do you really think this will work on him?"

"Of course it will. I know he'll fall for a silly yet clever trick such as this." Virgil shoves the paper inside his hoodie pocket. "If it worked on you, then it'll definitely work on Patton."

"Let's test this hypothesis, shall we?"

 

The pair moves to the living room once more. Virgil pulls the paper back out and reads it over again. He suddenly has doubts about this working, but he'll still try it. Before he could go to Patton's room, the paper gets snatched from his hand. 

"What the fuck?" Virgil turns around to find the culprit.

"You are not trying this," Roman demands, holding the paper in his left hand.

"Why not?" Virgil smirks. "Are you afraid that you'll lose your cash money to me and Logan?"

"This isn't fair!"

"You said to make him say it."

"I meant to make him say it on his own, not trick him into saying something he doesn't mean!"

"You never specified that, so that doesn't apply to the bet."

Patton hears all the commotion and rushes into the living room. "What's going on here?"

Virgil looks back and forth between Patton and Roman. He immediately grabs the paper while Roman is caught off guard. "Patton! Read—hey!"

"This is nothing, Patton," Roman laughs nervously. " You don't need to read this silly thing."

"Give it back!"

Before Virgil could take it again, Roman crumples the paper and eats it.

"Dude, what the hell!?" Virgil wails.

Patton slowly walks away and turns to Logan sitting on the couch. "Uh, Logan? Do you know what the paper said?"

Logan looked up from his book. "Well—"

"Patton!" Roman suddenly exclaims. "Let's go bake a cake! Let's not mind these two." And with that, Roman drags Patton into the kitchen.

"Ugh! I was so close!" Virgil yells in frustration. "I was so close to making him say 'sofa king'. How dare he!?"

Logan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "If that paper was any bigger, Roman would've seriously gotten sick."

 

Forty-five minutes pass and Roman walks out of the kitchen. He angrily stomps up to Virgil and Logan on the couch. "You were out of line!" Roman bellows, pointing to Virgil.

"I was out of line? You were the one who ate the fucking paper!" Virgil retaliates.

"You were cheating!"

"You never told me that I couldn't do that!"

"Well at least I—"

Crash! Splat! 

 

"SHIT!"

 

"That...that came from the kitchen," Logan comments. The three hastily rush to the kitchen. They see Patton covered in baking powder, kneeling on the floor next to a splattered cake. He has tears in his eyes. 

"My cake..." Patton sniffles. "My fucking cake...is ruined."

The three Sides look at each other, appalled. Roman warily speaks up, "P...Patton? Uh, are you okay—"

"My cake has gone to shit, Roman! I tripped on a fucking chair and I dropped the damn cake!"

They are taken aback. Not only did Patton swear, but he did it multiple times. They remain standing there, mouths agape and eyes wide. Roman slowly passes fifteen dollars each to Virgil and Logan. 

 

...Mission accomplished.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this little fic! I wrote all of this in one frenzy-filled day. I've had this idea for a while, and I finally got around to writing it. Have a good day/night!


End file.
